A Marauder's Cross
by saxwarrior
Summary: Remus feels he's at the end of his rope and is considering taking the worst way out, when the other Marauders show up and talk him down. Written for someone I love. Rated T for suicidal thoughts and a "Time of the Month" reference.


A/N: This story is written to someone I love who has a history of depression. Sweetheart, we all love you, support you, and we're praying for you. You will get better.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

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...

Sometimes the thought was just so appealing to Remus. Take too much of the potion. Just a sip or two more would do.

All the people's lives made better that way. The parents certainly didn't want to do this. And his mother, oh god, his poor mother. She was a Muggle. She didn't even know werewolves existed until her son was bitten. She didn't need to be weighed down with all this.

And all the teachers at Hogwarts who were so inconvenienced by him every month. Professor Dumbledore, who already had so much to do, how much burden Remus was to him and Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall.

And to James, Sirius, and Peter. They had to put up with this personally. They risked their grades, and James his Quidditch. They didn't need to put up with this.

Madam Pomfrey didn't know Remus thought about suicide each and every time he took the potion for the pain. It hardly worked anymore anyway.

How nice everyone else's lives would be if Remus... just... took too much of the potion.

"Moony?"

He snapped out of it. He was in the bedroom of the shrieking shack. He had already taken the amount of the potion he needed and was considering deliberately overdosing.

And he was not alone.

The voice was that of Peter Pettigrew, who was now in the room with him, although Remus hadn't noticed him come in, and he voiced that.

"Prongs and Padfoot asked me to come in first as a rat," Peter explained.

Remus turned his head to see James and Sirius themselves coming over the threshold. Remus couldn't figure out why they were acting so mysteriously. Then he realized...

"You had Peter spy on me?"

"We asked him to, yes," Sirius admitted without batting an eye. "He did a rubbish job of it, though."

"What are you on about?" Peter asked.

Sirius heaved a sigh and explained as if to a two year old, "You spy, you inform us, and if it was what we thought, then we intervene. You went straight from spying to intervening."

"Well, I had to intervene," said Peter. "And I'm informing you now. You were right. He was about to do it."

James ruffled up his hair. "Alright, moving on from Wormtail's rubbish spying," he paused here, with what would appear to be dramatic affect, but what the other three recognized as one of James's rare transitions from Padfoot to James, and not just in the Animagi sense.

"Look, Moony," he said, "we- that is the three of us-"

"Except Wormtail," Sirius sniggered, and James sent him a look that clearly communicated "not the time."

"We've all noticed you acting differently since the last full moon." Here, James hesitated and looked to Sirius who nodded encouragingly.

"We went to the library," James said, and Peter added, "Which we tend to do a lot because of you."

"For other reasons, too," said Sirius, who smirked characteristically which made the others smile.

"The point is," said James, "We researched warning signs of suicide in teenagers."

Remus's eyes widened... "How could you guys have thought?"

"Please, Moony," said James. "Don't insult our intelligence."

"Seriously, Moony," said Sirius. "This is James Potter, top of our class and I'm Sirius Black. I'm just fantastic. You can insult Peter's intelligence, though. Or... lack thereof."

"Sod off," said Peter, suppressing a smile.

Remus looked at the goblet of potion he still held in his hand. "And now that you... figured out what I was thinking... what are you gonna do?"

"Same thing we did after we found out about the other medical condition you have," said James. "Find a way to help."

Remus scoffed. "What are you gonna do, knock the goblet out of my hands?" He still hadn't set it down or even considered it.

"I don't think it'll come to that," said Sirius. "We're in the middle of an enthralling report of Sirius Black investigating his friend's suicidal thoughts."

"Git, I started investigating first," said James.

"Yeah, but I'm giving the report," said Sirius.

"Actually, no, I started telling him first."

"Yeah, but you know how Moony loves the London accent."

"Git."

"Anyway," said Sirius, "we found some warning signs that you exhibited." He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of parchment.

"You wadded it up?" asked Peter, incredulously.

"Don't interrupt, Wormy. It's rude," said Sirius.

Remus watched in half amusement as his friends went on.

"One of the warning signs you exhibited," Sirius went on, "was 'Not responding to praise as before' when Slughorn complimented your Calming Drought in the Potions class last week. Normally you beam like my cousin when she's hexing Hufflepuffs, but you merely shrugged." Sirius tutted disapprovingly and shuffled the paper a bit, the better to read it. "Also, 'physical complaints.'"

Remus scoffed. "I haven't complained about any of my headaches."

"So you don't deny having headaches?" Peter asked.

Remus shot him a quick scowl.

"Wormtail found an empty potion vial on your bedside cupboard Tuesday morning and noticed it was labeled 'Hospital Wing'," James explained. "Normally, Poppy likes to receive her empty vials within hours of their use and since you'd already gone down to Arithmancy, Wormy and I decided to return perfect Poppy's precious potion vial permitted for use by a perspicacious prefect." He chuckled at his alliteration and Remus wondered vaguely if James even knew what "perspicacious" meant.

"Mary Macdonald was also at the Hospital Wing for a Cramp and Bloating Potion," Peter explained.

"And while Wormtail simultaneously returned Poppy's vial and wondered vaguely about female anatomy," James explained, "I snuck a peek at the potion checkout list. You checked the vial out the previous evening at 6:25 for a headache."

"And lastly," said Sirius, "'Loss of interest in schoolwork'."

James heaved an exasperated sigh. "We went over this, Padfoot. We decided that he was not exhibiting a loss of interest in schoolwork."

"He didn't finish his Herbology essay on time!" said Sirius defensively.

"'Herbology essay' being the operating words and the unspoken assumption that not even _Moony_cares about Herbology."

"That's true," said Remus.

"Long story short," said Peter, "we guessed what you were getting at, but we weren't sure, so Prongs and Padfoot had me spy on you tonight to see if you would take more of the potion, which you were about to before I intervened, which is _why__I__intervened__before__I__informed__Prongs__and__Padfoot_." Peter said, directing the latter half of the statement at the two Marauders themselves.

"You still have the potion, and you're still considering taking more than you should," said Sirius.

This was true. Remus had neither set the potion down or lowered it at all. "So what's stopping me from taking too much right now?"

"Several things," said James, "one among them being you know that you're not useless and that we'd be a complete wreck without you."

Remus continued to stare at the goblet. "You're going to have to do better."

"Or elaborate," said Sirius. "Each of us needs you in their own way. You make Prongs realize his childish pursuits of Evans are... well... childish."

"I realize no such thing," James confessed.

"Well, you will, and it will be Moony who makes you. You keep the leash on me, in both a figurative and sometimes literal sense, and you're the only one who is patient enough with Wormtail to help him study."

"True," said Peter, "I'd have failed terrifically if you hadn't helped me study for exams last term."

"And you did literally put a leash around my neck that time in Hyde Park," concluded Sirius.

"Basically," said James, "you're the linch pin. Without you, there would be no us. The whole reason the three of us are so close and not just standing on the outskirts of a few social circles is we rallied behind you. We became the Marauders because of you."

"Me and my lycanthropy," Remus concluded. "You three go out of your way for me. I need to end the madness."

"Moony," said James, "we go out of our way for you because we're your best mates in the whole world and we love you."

Remus stood shock still. Never before had James gotten so emotional in front of him. Well, maybe in one of his rants about Evans or Snivellus, but never about each other.

"Moony, we do love you," said James, "and we don't want you to off yourself. We want to continue being your friends because frankly you're a cool bloke to have around."

The room was silent. Sirius looked back and forth between James and Remus before asking, "Are you two gonna snog?"

A second of silence before Remus started laughing. His laugh was infectious and the four boys laughed considerably longer despite the joke being barely witty at best.

"Ah, you lot are ninnies, you know," Remus said, finally setting the potion down.

"That's why you love us," said James.

Remus sighed, not feeling as well as he'd like. "The sun's setting."

"It's a few minutes of near torture followed by a night of danger, adrenaline, and imperil," said Sirius.

"Sounds like hell to me," said Remus.

"Eh," said James, "I'm more suited to hell."

"Me too," said Sirius, "since, you know, I grew up there."

Peter sighed, "And since all my friends are going there, guess I should go too."

Remus shook his head. "Nah, you saints don't deserve hell."

Pain struck Remus's back then and he fell over. He pulled his clothes off quickly to avoid ripping them apart.

"It's starting," Remus said, unnecessarily, between breaths.

"Just a few minutes of pain," said James, squatting in front of Remus, supporting him.

It was just a few minutes of pain, and it was over relatively quickly, given the transformation. When Remus looked back up at James, they were no longer Remus and James. They were Moony and Prongs.

Looking over, Sirius and Peter had become Padfoot and Wormtail.

Feeling like a satisfied wolf, Moony turned his head around and howled. It was a chilling werewolf howl to the villagers and anyone else who may have heard it, but to the four animals- the four Marauders in that room, it was a battle cry.

And the night began.


End file.
